I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
