You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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