dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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