Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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