so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
