Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
