have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
