I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
