I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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