This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
