You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Found the puke drawer
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
