I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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