JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
