Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
