As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
This house was built for laser tag.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
