that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
