i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
