I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
