OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
