im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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