the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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