And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
