Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
