I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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