I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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