I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
