I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
