can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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