Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
