youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
