Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
