its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
