Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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