maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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