It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
