who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
