**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I love you.
Bad choice
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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