Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I can text with my tongue
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
