a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
