When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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