I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
