lets start a swedish sibling band together
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
