OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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