do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
