Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
