Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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