You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
