So drunk its hurt
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
