The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
