My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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