I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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