Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
