I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
